Funny Story Part 3

Funny Story 11

Mike was not feeling well. So, he went to see the doctor. The doctor asked him a lot of questions and wrote Mike's answers down.

"What do you eat in the morning?"he asked him.

"Eggs, bread, butter, jam, and coffee," Mike answered.

"And what do you have for lunch?" the doctor asked.

"Meat or fish and bread."

"And what do you have in the evening?" the doctor continued.

"Eggs and bread."

Then the doctor said,"Eat some fruit everyday, and eat all the skin of the fruit. The skin is very good for your health. Most of the vitamins of the fruit are found in the skin. Now what fruit do you like best?" Mike was not happy. "Coconuts," he answered. Adapted from Reader's Digest

Funny Story 12

A father took his son camping to show him how to live outdoors. As the father cupped his hands into a small river, the boy cried out, "You are not going to drink that, are you, Dad?"

"Of course I am, "said the father, drinking the spring water in his hands.

"Dad, I did not mean the water,"said the boy. "I meant the tadpole."

Funny Story 13

We were gathered together, all ten of us, for our mother's 80th birthday. the conversation was on Mom's life when she was young. At that time she had to work very hard. My elder sister said, "Of course, we were practically poor because we were such a big family. Mom, why did you have so many children?"

Mother looked around at us all and said, "Well, where did you want me to stop?"

Funny Story 14

Mrs. Streisand was having a log of trouble with her skin, so she went to her doctor about it. However, the doctor could not find anything wrong with her, so he sent her to the local hospital for some tests. The hospital, of course, sent the results of the test direct to Mrs. Streisand's doctor, and the next morning he telephoned her to give her a list of the things that he thought she should not eat, as any of them might be the cause of her skin trouble.

Mrs. Streisand carefully wrote all the things down on a piece of paper, which she then left beside the telephone while she went out to a ladies' meeting.

When she got back home two hours later, she found her husband waiting for her. He had a big basket full of packages beside him, and when he saw her, he said, "Hello, sweetheart. I have done all your shopping for you."

"Done all my shopping?" she asked in surprise. "But how did you know what I wanted?"

"Well, when I got home, I found your shopping list beside the telephone," answered her husband, "So I went down to the shops and bought everything you had written down."

Of course,Mrs. Streisand had to tell him that he had bought all the things the doctor did not allow her to eat!

Adapted from Advanced Stories for Reproduction

Funny Story 15
Black  :"What are you going to be when you grow up?"

Brown :"I think I will be a writer!"
Black  :"A writer? That's hard word, isn't it?"
Brown : "No, it's easy... All the words are in the dictionary!. All I have to do is rearrange them!"

Funny Story 16
Chick  : "Why cannot astronauts go to the sun?"
Chuck : "It's too hot there!"
Chick  : "They can go there at night, can't they?
Chuck : " (Stupid!)

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Funny Story Part 2

Funny Story 7
"Children and grown-ups must do their best to keep the world clean," Mr. Fox said to his class. "Sometimes we see some rubbish in the streets and we must pick it up. Sometimes we eat some sweets and we must put the wrappings in the bin. We must all work together so there's no rubbish in the world. Never throw plastic into the sea! There should be no oil in the sea. If we pour poison--oil is poison in rivers and seas--into our rivers, some fish die. This is called pollution. This weekend, see if you can find some examples of pollution and write some sentences about it."Jimmy looked worried when he went home. 

On Monday, he handed in his composition. "Yesterday we had sardines fro lunch. Mom opened the tin, but all the fish were dead because the tin was full of oil!" Adapted from Longman English Grammar Practice.

Funny Story 8
A man went to a doctor and was told he had a serious illness and would need an operation. 

"Is it very dangerous?" asked the man. 

"Yes, It is. Four out of five people have this operation die," said the doctor. "But you will have nothing to worry about!"

"Why not"

"I have already operated on four people and they have all died."

Funny Story 9
Teacher : "What three words to students use most?"
Student : "I don't know"
Teacher : "That's correct!"
Student : ????

Funny Story 10

Professor Carter visited Mr. and Mrs. Crockett on the other side of town. After a good dinner and a game of cards, he said, "I'm going to walk home now."

But Mrs. Crockett looked out of the window and said, "It's raining outside. Please stay here tonight."She went and prepared the quest room for him. After a few minutes, she came back to the living-room, but the professor was not there.

Mr. and Mrs. Crockett waited for more than 30 minutes, and then they started to go to bed. But then somebody knocked at the back door of the house.

It was the professor. He was very wet. Mr. Crockett and his wife were very happy to see him. They said,"You're here!"

"Yes,"the professor answered. He smiled and added,"I went home and got my Pyjamas."

Taken from Introductory Stories for Reproductions

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Funny Story Part 1

Funny Story 1

A teacher was giving an achievement test to David, a precocious six-year-old, and she began by asking him when his birthday was.

"February 20", was the answer.

Next she asked him, "What year, David?"

He looked at the teacher quizzically at first time and then hit upon the obvious answer, "Every year".

precocious : looking older than his age

quizzically  : look curiously at

obvious      : clear

Funny Story 2

A five-year-old girl was watching her aunt breast-feed her baby.

"Does milk really come ot of there/" she asked.

"Of course," answered her aunt. There was complete silence.

Then the youngster asked,"Do you eat grass too?"

Funny Story 3

A bank teller had been robbed three times by the same man. The police officer asked her if she had noticed anything special about the robber.

"Yes,"replied the teller."He was better dressed each time."

Funny Story 4

One student to another:

"How are your English lessons coming along"

"Fine. I used to be the one who could not understand the English people, and now it is the English people who can not understand me." Taken From Reader's Digest.

Funny Story 5

A student was learning to speak English. he learned by having the tape machine under the pillow while he slept. It really worked. The trouble is he can only speak English when he's asleep!

Funny Story 6

Student: I don't think that I deserved a zero on this paper.

Teacher: You're right. But it is the lowest grade I can give.

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